15 posts tagged “family”

I really, really miss everyone.

I miss my daughter.  She is on spring break this week and has been with her father/aunt since last Saturday and will stay there 'til Sunday. 

I miss my brother and sis-in-law.  They are a million miles away. 

I miss my parents.  Since I work every day, I can't make it back home to hang with them.

I miss my sister. Even though she's a bitch.

I miss my niece. I put up with my sister for my niece.

I miss my grandpa.  I saw someone that reminded me of him and my heart was ripped from me.  I went up and hugged that old man hard and I wished he was my grandpa. 

I really, really miss everyone.  This week, it's been hard. 

What gifts, big or small, are you hoping to find under your tree this year?

I'm just excited to have my family all in one place again.

My brother and sis-in-law are coming from London on Sunday for a week.  SO excited!  I can hardly contain my excitement.

Growing up, I (like most kids) thought adults had their stuff together. 

Then I started working and realized how effed up a lot of grown people are... more than teasing, bullying kids.

My disillusion comes from my parents.  And it's not a bad thing.  My parents have shown me how to keep your life in line, how to be married (I don't know how to do that yet, but they are my example), how to be happy, how to be independent, how to love/like/not-like*, how to keep a house, how to raise a kid, how to keep those close to you close, how to not do stuff cus other people said to do stuff, and a whole lot more (A WHOLE LOT MORE). 

The combination of greatness that is 'my mom and dad' has far outweighed the reality that the majority of the grown up world doesn't have what my parents do, and therefore, they can't share what my parents have shared with me and my brother and sister. 

My parents rock and they teach me to be who I am and when I need balance cus I've been thrown off by some reality, they are that balance.

And they still like each other...

mom and dad.jpg

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*did I tell you about the time someone said I was white trash and my mom said, "I'll show her white trash."  My mom, by the way, is the furthest thing from white trash ever, but she's so multi-faceted, I'm sure she coulda pulled it out of somewhere.

I had a convo this morning, and the fact that I have dated 2 people in the past 7 years came up briefly.

I have this friend who is always trying to get me to go out .  Partly so she doesn't have to party alone.  Partly cus she wants me to get out and meet someone. 

1.  I don't like to party as much as I sometimes pretend I think I do.  If that makes sense.  More on that later, though.

2.  I don't particularly feel like meeting anyone.  Especially in a party setting.  More specifically: in the party settings that this friend wants to go to.

By the way, this is dating that I’m talking about here.  Like, go out to dinner, call three days later, maybe go out again, etc.

Here's why I don't date:

• I'm kinda too lazy.  Actually, I just have too much going on.  I know that other people do what I do or do more and still manage to go on dates, but I’m not one of those people.
• I relish my babysitting time.  If I have babysitting, it’s more than likely been planned out and is more than likely cus I have school.  I’d rather save up my babysitting time for important stuff.  Not awkward first dates.
• I’m ok being single.  I was in a really bad relationship then a pseudo-relationship for a combination of seven years.  SEVEN YEARS.  I’m hella ok just doin’ my thaaaaang: school, working on goals, spending time with Lorelai, spending time with my family.  I want someone in my life who will compliment that.  Which leads me to…
• In all actuality, I kinda want a boyfriend, as opposed to dating.  Not NEED a boyfriend, by any means.  I AM NOT LOOKING FOR A RELATIONSHIP… If one just happens to blossom like a sweet, sweet flower, that’s another story… Anyway, I just kinda want one.  I’m not the ‘I’m just dating around’ type.  Since I’ve never had an adult boyfriend (herein deemed MANfriend, cus I don’t eff with boys…), I kinda want to see what it’s like.  You know, like with the whole “of course I’m gonna hang out with you on Valentine’s day,” and “of course I’ll be around on your birthday,” and “of course I’ll hold your hand. In public. And introduce you to people I know as my WOMANfriend… cus you’re not a girl, you’re a woman, and we’re in a monogamous relationship TOGETHER… just you and ME!”  Yeah.  That’s what I want.  And a little more.  The way I process this, it makes it sound like I want a husband.  Quite the opposite.  I just wanna see what it’s like to have a manfriend, cus I think I’d be a kick butt womanfriend.  But I’m completely ok being single!! (‘cept when I get lonnnnely…)  Moving on!
• I kinda like to keep things intimate.  NOT LIKE THAT.  I like to have a few, quality friends in my life.  I don’t like figuring out that people suck.  So, I surround myself with people I know don’t suck.  As a result, I have a handful of people I hang out with, and 99% of them are family.  Point being: I don’t feel like going on a date to figure out that someone sucks.  Let alone more than one date.  Eff that. 
• I have all of these old-school, irrational fears about dates that I know are old-school and are irrational, but I like to hold on to them.  Por ejemplo: I feel like if I go on a date with someone who I’ve only just met, and he drives, and he’s driving a manual transmission and he takes us around the Berkeley Hills and gets mauled by a bear* and I’m ok with him getting mauled cus he was kinda a douche anyway, but I need to get away so I don’t get mauled too, but I can’t cus he drove and his car is a manual transmission?  WHAT THEN?!  You know why this happened?  YOU KNOW WHY I GOT MAULLLLLED?  Cus I went on a date!!  And cus I don’t know how to drive a manual transmission (note to self: learn how to drive a manual transmission).
• This is all barring a guy meeting my family and, more importantly, Lorelai.  Cus that’s down the road after a first date.  Way down the road.  Like, hella months. 
• Lastly, I have some really amazing people in my life as it stands, and I don't want to add or subtract from what I have going on .  I’ve accepted the fact that I may never get nookie again and that I’ll probably die a manfriendless, old maid with only her cats, Jeopardy and her blog to keep her company...  All joking aside, I’m content.  Really, I am. 

To sum it up: I’m lazy/busy.  I like my “me” time.  I’m fine being single.  But I also kinda want a manfriend.  But I’m totally fine being single.  I’m bad at keeping up with too many people.  I might get mauled.  I don’t want to introduce just anyone to my kid/family.  I like/love the people that currently surround me (even if they’re a bazillion miles away…) 

That’s basically why I won’t date.  My friend doesn’t understand it.  I don’t know if it even makes sense.  Off to crawl back into my hermit crab shell.

*Bears in Berkeley?!  That’s how irrational I am.

I was looking for a picture of me when I was younger with those glasses that Kanye West has made irrationally popular.  I know I used to have them and I know my parents didn't spend $50 on them and that was gonna be the point of this post, but I couldn't find it.  So, now I'm gonna post old pictures of me and the fam, cus they're funny!

me on the left, o on the right, pops in the center. i think my mom made his shirt.

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always a clown.

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that's my bro. in the scariest mask ever. seriously.

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my dad. he's hella fly. this was at the house they still live in, while it was being built.

baby goldie

I tried to scan more, but the scanner kinda crapped out on me.  :(  More to come, eventually.

teanut took these family photos at Christmas time last year.  My mom wants my brother-from-another-mother to paint a family portrait with one of the pics from the series of photos that were taken.  I'm not particularly keen on having a painting of me hanging at La Casa de Goldie's Parents, but no one asks my opinion with these types of things... ya know, the painting of family portrait types of things.

You know what painted portraits are for?  They are for two generations from now to have in some back room.  One of the kids from two generations from now will have some friends over and they will conduct saiances (saianci?) under that portrait.  They will say, "if Goldie is with us now, show us a sign," and then something will move, and all of the kids from two generations from now will be freaked the eff out.  The same kids from two generations from now will have a different group of friends over and they will go to that back room and say, "Look.  Wherever you go, their eyes follllllow you."

THAT'S what painted portraits are for.

Anyway, here's some of the pictures.

I have a biological time clock.  Well, I have two.  One I ignore... it's the baby one.  It's the one that says "make a baby, you walking, talking baby oven!"  That time clock is irrational and I rarely acknowledge it. 

The other is my home time clock.  As in.  I need a home.  Cus an apartment is just a houssse, and a house is not a hommmme (R.I.P. Luther*).   Anyway, I need to be in a home.

I want to raise my daughter in a home.

I also want a front and back yard, a large front window, a porch for sitting and knitting and chatting, wood floors, three+ bedrooms.  Did I mention it'll probably be in the Bay Area?  Yeah.  That's the kicker.

Anyway, timeline = January 1, 2010.  That's about 1.5 years from now.  I've been somewhat working towards this, but it's time to batten down the hatches (?).  My parents raised me in a house and I want to raise Lorelai (and *ahem* any future child/children SHUDDUP OTHER TIME CLOCK!) the same way. 

*Dudes.  You all need to watch the ENTIRE video of Luther singing that song.  For the fashion of 1988, for the glamour,  the way the crowd goes crazy for him, and the voice.  That voice!  Amazing. 

Sometimes things happen to put you in check about what's important.  I don't want sobering reminders,  but sometimes I need them.